God of Skyrim
by Chibi Mirai Gogeta
Summary: What happens when the god of destruction finds himself in a world of dragons? Slight AU mostly centered around Beerus and his misadventures on Skyrim.


_Sitting at my computer on a cool stormy evening, I was chatting with Espeon804 when the most random idea came to me: what if Lord Beerus happened to accidentally descend on Skyrim without his attendant reining in the god of destruction's craziness? While I apologize mostly for my lack of knowledge of the game itself, I blame myself mostly for mentioning a god mode (you know the one computer players), and this idea spawned itself._

 _This is the most random humor story I've written, and sadly, I had the god of destruction in my head while writing the recent chapter of Void. Therefore, I am not responsible for the complete chaos that is about to be unleashed._

 _Heaven help me if I skew the details of this story. And while I wish I owned Skyrim and Dragon Ball, let's be honest: those two things would probably not go well together under normal circumstances._

 _Not saying watching this video was any better. *Shakes head.*_

 _(YouTube link: watch?v=rKDF7hH91J0)_

 _How the heck does a ritual with human hearts supposed to work? I'll give points for creativity and the music, but this is SO wrong…_

 _~Chibi Mirai Gogeta_

 _#godofskyrim_

 **God of Skyrim**

 **One-Shot**

The sound of clopping awoke the god of destruction, who for whatever reason, found himself bound in flimsy rope that he could easily break. Yet, as his sight slowly cleared, he realized that he was not entirely alone. Sitting up straighter, he noticed that he was in a strange open carriage among humanoid-type people. Beerus took in the sight of a mountain-like terrain and a pathway leading towards a village that was further out. How did he get here, and where was he going?

"Ah, it seems that you have awoken," a dark-haired woman spoke from in front of him. She had dark green eyes and seemed middle aged with tight tan skin. She wore a simple faded yellow top and brown skirt. Beerus was slightly annoyed at the lack of respect that this woman was giving him along with the soldiers that seemed to be taking him to some unknown destination. Incompetence would be their undoing once he found Whis and…

' _Where is Whis anyway?'_ Beerus glanced around, hoping that his attendant was nearby. He was disappointed when he saw no sign of the white-haired angel that never strayed that far from his side.

"…on our way to our deaths," the woman continued, which the god of destruction snorted.

"Really now? Do you not know who I am?" Beerus cockily questioned. He was growing annoyed at the lack of respect he was given. Hell, if this truly was a prank by the angel, he would ensure that he would destroy this world ten times over for the insubordination.

"You are a fair brother of ours in chains, soon to meet in Sovngarde," the woman replied, her voice tired and weary. "You should accept your death."

"Death?" Beerus laughed at the idea. Unless Lord Zeno himself was directly responsible for this strange turn of events, these pathetic humanoid creatures could not even hold a candle to his true power.

"He seems crazy," an older man spoke up. He had a balding grey-haired head that reminded Beerus of the perverted old man Goku seemed friendly with. He wore grey slacks and had a dirtied white shirt. "It's best you don't talk to the odd colored Khajiit anymore Nilin."

' _What in the world is a Khajiit?'_ Beerus thought silently to himself, noticing the city gates ahead. _'I suppose this is this Sovngarde that disrespectful woman's spoken about.'_

"Seems we've arrived to Helgen," the old man spoke wistfully. "I suppose I'll be happy when I am reunited with my wife."

"Says you," Beerus rolled his eyes. He had no idea what was going on, but he was growing more annoyed and hoping Whis would show up soon. He had no idea how he ended up in this predicament and honestly was growing tired of charade and wanted nothing more than to curl up in his bed after dining on the latest dish that the Earth had to offer.

The carriage came to a halt and he noticed the others rise, the mood darkening quickly as Beerus noticed the soldiers approach them and ordered them off. He remained where he was, his tail flicking behind him in annoyance.

"Hey buddy, get up!" the solder commanded.

"Why should I listen to you?" Beerus questioned, one of his hairless eyebrows raising as though she was questioning the wrong deity. She was no threat to him to say the least and could destroy her with little effort.

The soldier pulled out a sword. "I said get up or I'll kill you where you sit!"

Beerus, growing tired, stood up and easily broke the bindings, startling the soldier. He raised a hand and angrily growled one word: "Hakai."

A dying scream from the soldier as he dissolved before all eyes made everyone tense. Who the world was this strange creature and what kind of power did he have?

Beerus barely had time to himself when he heard several soldiers pull out their weapons in defiance. "If you want to be spared of my wrath, treat me with respect or you will all die."

"Murderer!" another soldier cried, a female, as she rushed at Beerus. He simply sidestepped as he tapped her in the back, painlessly knocking her out. The other soldiers that had their weapons drawn lunged and Beerus easily knocked them back with his tail. He raised his hand when the woman from the carriage stepped in front of them.

"Please spare them!" Nilin pleaded to the god of destruction. Her arms were still bound behind her, yet, she was shielding the humanoid creatures.

"They were going to kill you had I not intervened, am I wrong?" Beerus eyed the lady rather queerly, not certain if she was doing it for their sake or her own.

"Yes, but that doesn't mean you should… do that thing you did with your magic…" the woman stumbled over her words slightly. She was afraid he would do the same thing to her if she overstepped her boundaries. Plus, she never seen magic like this before—it was something beyond this world."

"If you don't wish to anger me, call me Lord Beerus," the deity spoke with a haughty attitude. _'Magic? I'm above parlor tricks. It seems I should educate her.'_

"O-of course Lord Beerus," Nilin acknowledged, somewhat fearful for her life now that this cat-like deity was done screwing around. "What do you wish of me?"

' _Finally, someone who actually gets me,'_ Beerus thought with a satisfied grin. For the first time since he had woken up, he seemed satisfied that everything seemed to be going his way.

* * *

Elsewhere in the far reaches of space, Whis was trying his hardest to find the missing god of destruction, who had fallen asleep in mid-travel. It was not the first time this happened sad to say, and Beerus had the worst timing when it came to falling asleep at the most absurd times. Whis felt responsible for Beerus and knew that the cat-like deity was more than likely causing mischief to some denizens.

' _The last time I lost Lord Beerus, it took me a month to find him,'_ Whis thought silently to himself while flying over a random star system.

When the angel did finally find Beerus, he had woken up in a horrible mood surrounded by rabbit-like creatures that technically thought that he was a giant version of their kind. Beerus did not appreciate the creatures defining him like that, and while the planet was spared due to Whis' quick thinking, their treasured statue that they created in Beerus' likeness did not survive.

' _I just hope I find Lord Beerus before he does something irresponsible…'_

* * *

Back on… I suppose Skyrim… somewhere in Tamriel, Beerus eyed the strange armor that his temporary servant Nilin was wearing. He opted to remain as he was, not wanting to wear the strange metallic garments that the humanoid covered herself with. She picked up a bow and dagger much to the god of destruction's distaste.

' _These creatures are too weak to do me any harm, so she can do whatever she wants as long as she doesn't piss me off,'_ Beerus thought.

"Lord Beerus, we should head to Whiterun," Nilin commented.

"Why?" the god of destruction did not really like how uncivilized the backwater planet seemed compared to the highly technological planets he had frequented in the past.

"We can restock on supplies there," Nilin answered.

"Fine, I suppose a respite would be good as long as there is food," Beerus agreed. He followed the woman to the city which reminded him of one of the many fancy cities that he saw on other worlds—surrounded by walls and having primitive homes that he could easily level with an energy blast. While it seemed boring, he noticed people staring at him rather queerly.

"Mama, what kind of Khajiit is that?"

"Not so loud sweetie…"

"They aren't from around here."

"I hope they don't bring trouble."

' _I wish one of them would tell me what a Khajiit is,'_ Beerus hated the fact that he was referred to something he had no idea what it was. _'Unless it is their way of saying god, then they can call me whatever they want.'_

A young boy ran up to Beerus. "Wow… you look kind of scary."

"Scary?" Beerus seemed amused by the child's response. "You should be scared kid and don't do anything bad unless you want to know the consequences."

"I bet you can't kill those Nords though," the child grinned cheekily.

"Kid, I can destroy them without much effort," Beerus seemed offended. Perhaps he could get the rest of these simpletons to fear him if he took care of these 'Nords' as soon as possible. "Where can I find them?"

"They're to the northeast," the boy answered. "They're in a place called Bleak Falls Barrow."

"Interesting name for a place that will be their tomb," Beerus' tail twitched at the thought. "Nilin, I am going to take care of a few pests. Have some food when I get back."

"Yes Lord Beerus," Nilin replied with utmost respect. The god of destruction wasted little time taking to the sky, surprising the villagers and Nilin as he flew off.

The flight took less than a few minutes and when he landed, he saw some bandits who tried to overtake him, but he quickly dispatched them and walked towards the stone door. Pushing it open, he was disappointed when he saw no one at the entrance.

' _I should have asked Nilin to find me a bed while I was back at Whiterun,'_ Beerus thought while venturing deeper within the dungeon. _'Then again, she probably doesn't know my preferences of a soft bed and the best pillow, so perhaps I saved myself the time and effort.'_

Suddenly, Beerus heard something flying at him and he grabbed whatever it was with his left hand. Taking a closer look at the object, he realized that it was an arrow of some sort as it broke within the god of destruction's grasp. A purple aura gathered around him as he eyed his enemy who seemed unintimidated by the cat-like deity.

' _Seems that he's eager to die,'_ Beerus lunged towards the rogue and hakai'ed the man out of existence. _'I suppose it's good that Whis isn't here right now or he'd stop me from having my way…'_

* * *

On another world, Whis glanced around at the giant robots that seemed engaged in battle. While the angel had hoped to find his lord on this planet, he was severely disappointed when he saw no sign of the cat-like deity's purple fur.

' _Oh Lord Beerus, I should have made sure you were tethered to me before we left Earth,'_ Whis shook his head in disbelief. If all else failed, he could wait until Beerus destroyed a world to locate him, but there were times that god of destruction continued to sleep whenever he accidentally fell to a world. The attendant had tried to find Beerus with his staff earlier, but for some reason, it decided to malfunction, preventing Whis from finding the cat-like deity sooner.

* * *

"Stupid dungeon," Whis growled while heading towards a large structure. He had no idea where Nilin was, but his best bet was the luxurious feature that towered over the city. As he reached the wooden crosswalk, a strange man appeared.

"It seems you don't come to the Cloud District often," a man sneered at Beerus. The way he acted rubbed the god of destruction's fur the wrong way.

"Cloud District? This place isn't in the clouds…" Beerus grabbed the man and flew up into the sky. The man was freaking out, not wanting anything to do with the cat-like deity's antics. "Now THIS is the Cloud District."

"Un-unhand me!" the man struggled. Beerus, being the deity he was, did as the man asked as he fell screaming to his death. The god of destruction could not care less about the man's life after the way he was spoken to, and would could blame the cat-like deity? He knew that his actions would have been punishable by Whis, yet, he seemed content doing whatever he wanted as long as the angel was absent.

' _When Whis comes here, I doubt I'd have my way with the inhabitants of this world, so I should make the most of it,'_ Beerus snorted. His sense of smell picked up Nilin's scent and he landed before a crude inn-like building.

"Welcome back Lord Beerus," Nilin welcomed.

"Please tell me that you had managed to find some delicacies," Beerus examined the woman.

"Oh yes, I bought a good amount based on the loot we gathered," Nilin nodded.

"Excellent, then I will spare your life for the time being," Beerus walked past Nilin to the table and sat down. Taking a piece of bread, he shoved it in his mouth and his eyes widened in alarm. _'Why in the galaxies is this bread so hard and stale? Lord Zeno above…'_

Spitting the bread out of his mouth, one of the patrons seemed offended. "Hey, if you're not going to eat, why don't you leave?"

Beerus glared coldly at the man who had the gall to tell him to leave. He was surprised when he was punched in the face and retaliated by slugging the man through a wall. Everyone eyed the god of destruction who did not seem phased by this and picked up a chicken leg.

"Anyone else want to have a go with me?" Beerus challenged. Those who saw the cat-like deity put someone through a wall quickly dispersed and left him alone. Nilin walked over with more meat as he took a wing and started devouring it almost though he had been fasting for weeks.

"Lord Beerus, do you need anything else?" Nilin asked fearfully.

"A bed, and the softest pillow," Beerus replied without averting his gaze from his meal. _'She's subpar compared to Whis, but she'll do until I get bored of her incompentence.'_ "Nilin, I'm tired. Take me to my bedchambers."

"Follow me to your bedchambers Lord Beerus," Nilin showed the deity to the inn's room. The god of destruction approached the bed and poked it with his claw-like hand, almost though testing its firmness.

"Is this the best this slum has to offer?" Beerus questioned in dislike. It ranked and he preferred the comfortable bed that Whis would provide him at any time for his slumbers. "Fine, I'll be asleep for about ten days, so make sure that you do not let anyone wake me or I will destroy this inn and everyone inside, including you."

"T-ten days? My lord!" Nilin's protests were ignored as the cat-like deity crawled onto the uncomfortable, smelly mattress and yawned. He fell asleep, not in the least bit comfortable, yet making due since the world's primitive beds were better than sleeping on the dirt.

* * *

"We need to get out of here," Nilin pleaded to Beerus. She seemed frightened.

"Why? That dragon seems to be flying away, and is probably wise to do…" Beerus was interrupted when the beastly creature landed with a thundering earthquake. Nilin quickly fell into a nearby trench before the dragon roared and spewed flames towards the god of destruction. The woman's scream was heard from below as the attack swallowed the deity.

Once the dragon's fierce flames expired, Nilin peeked out and noticed Beerus standing there with an annoyed expression on his face. While he was not hurt in the least, he was once again irritated by the lack of respect that this overgrown reptile shown. Raising a single hand, the woman cringed and wisely hid entirely back inside of the trench, not wanting to be a part of this chaos.

"Hakai," Beerus growled calmly despite the anger mounting within him. The dragon that towered before him let out a cry of death, its body dissolving into nothing, not leaving a hide or bone behind. If Whis had been there, he would have done far worse and leveled the entire world. Unfortunately, he had to keep it untouched until his attendant Whis found him so he could escape this hellhole.

Shortly after completing the task, one of the soldiers that had been pursuing the dragon approached intimidated by the god of destruction.

"You… you're dragonborn…" the soldier spoke with awe and respect in his voice.

"Pardon?" Beerus eyed the soldier queerly, wondering what nonsense they were spewing. _'First, they mistake me for this 'khajiit', and now a dragonborn?'_

"You… you should speak to the Jarl," another answered, his eyes filled with both fear and respect.

"And why should I speak to that pompous bastard who had the gall to cower in his castle while sending his men out to die?" Beerus glared coldly at the soldiers. Oh, he was irritated by their presence, and wanted nothing more to do with this 'Jarl' that had it in on him since arriving to Whiterun.

"You shouldn't disrespect the Jarl or he'll have you in chains…" the soldier seemed angered by the callous attitude the god of destruction had towards their ruler.

"None of you should be treating me poorly either, do you _not_ know who I am?" Beerus warned. Oh, he was seriously going to make an example of one of them so they fear his power and might. Consequences be damned, he was growing tired of the amount of disrespect he had ever since waking up on this forsaken world that knew nothing of his name.

* * *

"Are you quite finished Lord Beerus?" Nilin asked on the other side of the makeshift partition.

"Just about," Beerus raised his arm from the water to scrub away at the filth that clung to him.

Ever since the cat-like and his substitute attendant were ran out of Whiterun after he killed most of the Jarl's men and destroyed half of the city, the best course of action for the both of them was to find sanctuary elsewhere. So, they fled to Riften, and upon arriving, the cat-like deity immediately demanded a bath. Not knowing the best way to go about it, Nilin had to improvise by dismantling a carriage and driving enough nails into boards to make a subpar bathtub. Said tub was hauled inside of the Temple of Mara after Beerus drove out the believers, claiming the temple as his sanctuary.

"You know, many people actually did come here to pray to Mara," Nilin glanced at the altar that Beerus had vandalized by shattering the symbol into a powder.

"Mara? They should be worshipping me instead of some make-believe god," Beerus snorted, his tail flicking the water.

"You're a god?" Nilin questioned.

"Indeed," Beerus smirked confidently. "You should feel privileged to be serving a deity such as myself."

"Well, if you're a god, I have a request," Nilin looked down at her hands.

"I'm not _that_ kind of god." Beerus had heard enough of the sentimental crap about love and was pleased to have infiltrated the place to get rid of those foolish believers. Last thing he wanted was for her to think that he was replacing that false god.

"Wait! I mean… I noticed that you have the ability to destroy things, and… well, there's a dragon everyone hates that needs to be vanquished."

"Go on," Beerus decided to listen to his servant.

"Supposedly, he's so bad he caused our lands to fall in disarray." Nilin's hands fisted in her leather skirt. "If you take him down, you would be known as a savior throughout the land, and maybe more people would respect you."

Beerus was quietly grinning mischievously. Could it possibly be true? If so, he'd definitely take down this dragon. "Alright, let's go slay a dragon."

The god of destruction rose from the bathtub and grabbed the plain towel from one of the few pews that were still within the sanctuary. He dried off quickly and dressed back in his normal attire, a predatory sneer crossing his lips.

* * *

The snow whipped violently around Beerus and Nilin as they scaled the highest cliffs in search of the dragon that the woman had told the god of destruction. While he could have flown, he did not want to scare his attendant who refused to be carried up in such a ridiculous fashion.

"Stupid snow," Beerus shivered. Of all of the places on Skyrim, he half-expected the dragon to be hanging out near a volcano, not a desolate mountain.

"We should see him soon my lord," Nilin told the cat-like deity in a calm voice. She was cold yet refused to show it due to the fact that he might mistake it as fear.

"I better or I'll end up destroying this whole mountain," Beerus warned. No sooner did he say it that he heard a roar from above. His gaze turned skyward as a large dragon roared.

"Who dares enter my sanctuary without my permission?" the beastly dragon billowed. Not the least bit bothered, Beerus flew up to greet it.

"The god that is going to make you rue the day you decided to be disrespectful towards me," Beerus raised a hand. It would be _so_ easy to hakai him to oblivion, and yet, he refrained from doing so.

"No one speaks to Alduin like that!" the dragon roared and his head lunged at Beerus who merely smirked.

* * *

Once Whis finally managed to arrive to Skyrim, his eyes widened. Nearby, Beerus reclined upon the scaly body of one of the formerly intimidating dragons that had wrought much terror on its denizens. It was almost though the god of destruction himself had managed to tame the large dragon to make it seem like a tame puppy. Nearby, Nilin was preparing a meal with what means necessary.

"Oh my, you seemed to have had your hands full my lord," Whis grinned at the god of destruction, who eyed his attendant warily.

"What took you so long to get here?" Beerus questioned the angel and caretaker.

"You had no idea how many worlds I had to search in order to find you," Whis noted.

"Let me guess, your staff decided to malfunction again," Beerus was familiar with the caretaker's staff, and the angel could have used it at any time to easily locate the god of destruction. Instead, it was almost though Whis permitted the cat-like deity to do whatever he wanted.

"I will have to ask my father to fix it the next time I visit him," Whis clarified while Alduin whimpered under Beerus. "Should we get back my lord?"

"Hopefully you have something from Earth," Beerus replied. "The food I ate here was horrid in comparison to what delicacies I had from that world. And don't get me started with their beds…"

"Don't worry Lord Beerus, everything is waiting for you back on your planet," Whis confirmed with a smile on his face.

"Good, you're dismissed Nilin," Beerus took one last look at the woman before walking over to the angel and pressing his hand on his back.

"Now don't let go until we get back," Whis warned. In seconds, the duo vanished, leaving Nilin alone on the mountaintop with Alduin.

"It seems that my duty here is finished," Nilin smiled and began her descent back to Tamriel. Alduin meanwhile decided to fly as far away as possible from the Throat of the World, least he ever meet a dragonborn like the strange colored khajiit that easily handled him.

' _I hope to never have to deal with anyone like him ever again…'_ Alduin grimaced.

 _ **End?**_


End file.
